Looking back on the past several years of my life, I can clearly see a series of fake ID’s that I have used to define myself all of which had been keeping me from the one thing that we should all be defined by.A year and half ago today I was a drastically different person. I defined myself entirely on my ability to be perfect. I had perfect grades, a perfect boyfriend that I wholeheartedly believed I was going to spend my life with and the respect of all my peers. I took great pride in the fact that I was not one of “those girls” that went out and partied and drank all the time but rather spent my weekends studying or participating in events to bolster my resume. Not to ring my own bell, but I was known in my sorority and to my friends as being the person that always had it all together and this identity was my very core.

My desire to continue being perfect and be the highest achiever I could possibly be led me to the decision to apply to be on the executive board of my sorority. After casually applying, I was called and asked to be president. Having never served on exec before I was skeptical that I was qualified but once again, my overwhelming desire to attain perfection persuaded me to take on this role. I was evenly explicitly told that though I lacked experience, the selection committee felt that I was the best choice because I “always had it together.” At the beginning of my spring semester I felt that I had reached the pinnacle of success and the height of the perfection I had been so desperately striving for. Being chosen to lead my chapter reinforced in me the idea that I, without any help, could be perfect and handle everything on my own.

Over the next month, I watched my perfect world crumble. Somewhat out of the blue, I began to start having serious doubts about my relationship; doubts turned in to arguments and confrontation which resulted in a messy breakup. Having only been in one serious relationship in my life and truly believing that this was the man I was going to marry caused me to severely underestimate the effect that this breakup would have on me. Losing this relationship was the first crack in my armor of perfection and no longer having everything figured out wore on me very quickly. I began to feel like I was losing myself because my perfect identity was gone and most crushing to me was the fact that I could not fix it no matter how I tried. In desperate need of a new identity, I decided to shift to something completely new. Since I was a new sorority president I thought what better way to reinvent myself than to become the stereotypical Greek. I began to party and drink almost constantly; I lived for weekends and the chance to escape my disappointment and mounting responsibilities. I found solace in the fact that I had a new persona that I could rely on even if it was greatly unfulfilling. What I didn’t consider at the time was the amount of eyes that were on me.

Being in a leadership position puts you on a bit of a pedestal and people are always watching. Having to go through my breakup with what fell like all of Greek life watching my every move was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do; I was in no way used to people being disappointed in my actions or concerned about my character. After two months of nearly endless drinking and distractions in the form of boys, things came to a breaking point. On a typical Saturday night, I was out at a party and in an attempt to live up to my new image, I had far too much to drink and ended up embarrassing myself and getting sick. In the morning an anonymous Twitter account had publicly blasted my actions from the night before and from there my image as a suitable leader was finally shattered. Publically dealing with a breakup and its aftermath and losing my position as president were the most horrifying and shameful things I had ever been faced with.

After losing the presidency, I ran away from everyone in my organization and from Greek life as a whole. I blamed the Greek system for my breaking my perfection and reinforcing my “party girl” identity. The next fake ID that I carried was one riddled with shame and anger over my mistakes. I hid from anything with any Greek letters in it out of fear that someone would know who I was and judge me or think negatively of me. At chapter meetings I kept my head down and sat in the back row; I knew that when people looked at me they no longer saw class and perfection but rather failure and missed opportunities. I spent the better part of a year allowing myself to be characterized by mistake and being angry and sad all the time knowing that I had lost the perfect identity I thought I was supposed to have.

It wasn’t until two of my sisters invited me to Greek Intervarsity (and it took them way more than one invite to get me to go…) that I reluctantly approached a group of Greeks again. I remember the very first meeting I ever went to where John talked about the comfort that comes from knowing that you don’t have to be weary from all your sin because God will ease your burden because his love is so unconditional. From that first night I felt a calling to at least attend Greek Conference and give this whole new scene a try. For the first day of the conference I wasn’t really tuned in and I was skeptical that this was somewhere I wanted to be but then I heard one of the speakers talk about the freedom that comes from confession and the amazing things God will do if you take those first initial steps and let him in.

This story is still embarrassing for me and it’s a part of my past I’ve tried to bury and forget so when John asked me to share it I was absolutely terrified but confessing my whole story has been incredible. I have felt God remove my shame and use my past to teach me kindness and forgiveness and the importance of seeking to understand others before judging. For the first time I feel like the identity that I am striving towards is the right one; I want to open my heart to God and be able to let his light shine through me and that is the identity that I seek now. I know that I can’t be perfect and that I can’t do anything worthwhile on my own. I have a long way to go, but I feel God working on my heart every day so that I may be defined by the correct identity that only comes from Him.

Since the Greek conference that was held in 2012 I have grown immensely and stepped into some new roles within the Greek IV chapter at Purdue University. Since joining the leadership team I have been able to see students coming to Christ and share my experiences and stories with Greek students in a variety of environments.

So this weekend entering Greek conference 2013 I was approaching in a totally different way. This time I was really paying attention to what God was doing in the students and realizing that many leadership qualities can be found in a ton of different places. I am going to give a little taste of some of the leadership qualities I was able to see in other students this weekend.

One of the best highlights from this weekend has got to be the fact that I did not get any sleep. Now I know this might not sound normal but it was the reasoning behind not getting any sleep was what I was so excited about. I was fortunate enough to stay the weekend in the Purdue campus suite, a place where any student from Purdue can come and grab some food and meet other student from the same campus. Now this environment was ideal for late night spiritual conversations and that is exactly what happened and I loved being able to live in it.

One distinct conversation I remember having was with four freshman (three sorority members and one guy from a fraternity). First we were just talking about how the weekend was going then I posed the question of

“What are you going to do back on campus to really make a difference for Jesus?”

And the answers I got from this were amazing. I was hearing freshman brainstorm ways to start new things in their houses and be more intentional with their brothers and sisters. I was hearing two girls tell a story about how they invited their sponto (spontaneous date function) dates to church, and then when the fraternity guys came they brought their friends or another girl say “I think I can get every single one of my pledge sisters to come to this conference next year”.

This to me was so amazing to be a part of. I distinctly remember being very intentional about trying to get freshman involved in Greek IV at the beginning of the year, and here I was sitting in a room full of answered prayers. One of the coolest parts about this conversation I was partaking in was the fact that I can remember praying for each and every house that was sitting in this room.

One of the houses: Tri Delta was so uplifting because before this year we had no contacts in this house and during our exec planning for the school year I was always bringing up how to reach the Tri Delts and so since I was feeling really motivated toward this house we just started praying for them. And by the grace of God I was sitting in a room with two freshman Tri Delts who were talking about inviting their sisters to Greek IV and to church and about what they were going to do when they lived in the house next semester.

And let me tell you I couldn’t help but just sit back and smile. Another story I was able to experience after this conference was one the freshman I meet with to have a “potential leaders study” come back and today sit down with me and just explode with ideas on how to better his house bible study and also ideas to better the Greek ministry at Purdue.

This weekend I came back so excited for the ministry at Purdue and the Greek systems across the country, not only because of what I experienced and learned but what I witnessed. I was seeing freshman with all of these ideas for recruiting and starting new things to further Gods work and to think that these 18 year olds are already thinking like this, the possibilities are endless and potential for campus is limitless.

I cannot wait to see these young leaders grow and am so eager to help develop them but also learn from them as the younger generation begins to shape my campus. I feel that God is doing some great work in these young individuals and to think that there are students like these all over campuses in the U.S. motivates me even more to continue to disciple these young student, and do my own thing; but ultimately all of us are doing God’s work and the fruits of our labor truly goes directly to him. God is good and anything can be accomplished through him.

At Greek Conference I felt welcomed immediately. As cheesy as it sounds, there is something comforting about knowing that every person in that room was familiar with the same things I was struggling with or one of my friends was dealing with. It was the common denominator – our letters. It seems obvious but it is also very important to this ministry. Jesus comes to the broken and sick. Jesus wants the hurting to be healed. Jesus wants us to be the lights for our brothers and sisters.

I learned a great deal about prayer that weekend that has stayed with me and helped keep my “Jesus high.” The LEAD track at Greek Conference gave me a chance to connect with others who share the same struggles and frustrations. It also gave us a chance to learn new ways to combat old issues. It gave us a chance to encourage each other with the different stages of chapter ministry.

This weekend gave me a chance to have some quiet time in the prayer room, meet and make new friends, and enjoy the encouragement of other people on the same journey. Sometimes following Jesus in a greek organization can feel lonely, but it doesn’t have to be if you will be bold enough to reach out to others and share your beliefs and feelings.

I was desperately searching for a faith community at school, but I felt out of place at the larger groups on campus. I did some research online and found out about Greek IV and, realizing that our chapter did not have a ministry, decided I was being called to start one and provide that community that I so desperately wanted and I was sure other sisters were yearning for as well.

I sent an email to Garrett Trent (Greek IV campus staff worker at UVA) and he responded the same night with nothing but enthusiasm in his reply. I got a lot of positive feedback from my sisters about a desire for a Greek IV ministry and I immediately started organizing “Gamma Gospel”. Then I heard about Greek Getaway and, although I was a bit hesitant to join a group of students that I did not know for an overnight trip, I decided I should really throw myself into this community.

I could not have been more surprised and rejuvenated by this experience! Another one of my sisters decided to join me for the trip and, while we had only said about two sentences to each other beforehand, we spent the entire weekend learning about each other, our religions and our personal faiths. I left Greek Getaway inspired and full of joy. It was so amazing to be able to break into small groups with students I had never met before and be able to open up to each other – that everyone was willing and trusting. I feel so blessed to have found this community on campus and I am already gearing up for Greek Conference in the spring!

My journey leading to this moment has been very long and somewhat confusing and misguided, that is, until very recently. This prolonged realization was not because of a lack of desire, or effort, but really due to my lack of knowledge and exposure to such questions and answers within my life. I do not come from what would typically be recognized as a religious household. As a child the ideas of God and religion were not heavily discussed or emphasized. This is not to say that my parents are not believers, but more so that they simply never talked about their beliefs with me.

My mother used to take me to a number of different churches, often following her friends to their different congregations of varying religious affiliations. I was exposed to several different forms of Christianity although because of my young age I didn’t recognize or retain any of the significance of attending church meetings. I was there because I had to be. To me it was nothing more than going to daycare or school. However, this didn’t last long. My mother and I stopped attending church of any kind when I was still very young.

Consequently, my understanding and my interest of God and religion remained dormant. As I grew older and entered middle school and junior high I began to wonder about certain questions, ones that I felt uneasy about. I had several friends that I knew to be life long churchgoers, my best friend being one of them. On the other hand I also had several friends that even at that young age had come to their own conclusions that there was no God at all. I was actually very torn with what to believe. I had learned very young that there was a God, but I knew so little about him and what he stood for. In addition, I tended to read and surround myself with science and much of what I learned in science seemed to contradict all that I knew about God, and the stories of the Bible. I remember distinctly in the tenth grade having a conversation with one of my closest friends and he told me that based on all the science that he has learned that there is no way he could believe that there was a God, or a heaven. At the time he made a very convincing argument, and I admit I was inclined to side with him, but I still couldn’t entirely just abandon the idea of God. I felt within me that despite all that he had said, I truly wanted to believe that there was more to life than just science, that there are some things that cannot be explained through a test tube. I wanted to believe that God existed.

This question is the ultimate reason for my exploration into faith. Unfortunately due to my busy life style I still had little time to devote to finding answers to my questions. I also was very hesitant to ask my parents and others influences for help. This was something I wanted to keep private. I began reading the Bible and other articles late in high school. Entering college I became acquainted quickly with several friends that were openly religious. Several of these friends I met directly through the joining of Sigma Chi. Another was my roommate this last year and teammate on the baseball team. I was a little intimidated at first, but I began to ask questions about their beliefs. I had several hour-long conversations pertaining to these topics and soon became involved with a Sigma Chi weekly prayer gathering. Last fall I also began attending a Sunday service with several of my pledge brothers and friends. I also continued to read frequently out of the Bible as well as several other books, simply trying to gain more information and perspective.

Late this past spring semester I was talking with one of my closest friends within Sigma Chi who is on leadership for GreekIV (aka GreekSide) here at Willamette University. He recognized that I had an interest and invited me to come to a meeting. Several of our brothers attend the meetings so I felt comfortable enough to go and at least check it out. I enjoyed the first meeting so much that I decided that this was something I wanted to attend again. It soon became something I began to look forward to during the week. Not only did it allow me to learn more about what it means to be a believer and follower of Jesus, but I also met some extraordinary new people whom I’ve now become very good friends with. I continued to go to the meetings and eventually the staff worker asked me to join her for lunch one day to discuss my background and to answer any questions I might have, so I did. She listened to me explain my story as much as I’ve done thus far. I talked about my family and my personal experiences. I then proceeded to ask a couple questions and she answered them. Then she asked me if I had given thought to committing my life to being a follower of Jesus. I must admit at this time I was taken a little off guard. I had now for some time considered myself a firm believer in God and Jesus, but had not actually acknowledged myself as a follower. As she explained to me what it truly meant, I for some reason became a little hesitant to the idea, which seemed weird to me. Thinking about my life I had always tried to live in such a way that is related to the general teachings of the Bible. I certainly agreed with the messages conveyed within it and I knew in my heart that it was truth. But then I asked myself, why should it be so difficult to go through with this commitment? Why should I hesitate at all?

I actually started to feel guilty that I could not do it that day. I told her I wanted some time to think about it. She gave me a note and I looked at it everyday for two weeks. It was a reminder of the commitment that I hadn’t made, but knew that I should. I just needed something to give me the extra push for it. That something was my friend Craig on the last day of classes walking back to Sigma Chi. As we finished our prayer I couldn’t help but think to myself about the uniqueness of the moment. The day had began like any other and I had proceeded through it without even considering that it was that day that I would commit to being a follower of Jesus. I couldn’t help but think that it was no coincidence that I happened to run across Craig that particular day, and it couldn’t be just chance that he brought it up out of the blue. If I had left the lunchroom five minutes later, or five minutes earlier, I surely would have missed him. We would never have conversed and I would likely still be as I was some months ago, in a limbo of sorts, still unclear about my faith, still waiting for some sort of catalyst. I like to think that it was part of God’s plan for that to happen, just as it did and I’m ever thankful; thankful for Craig, thankful for the support of my friends and new friends in GreekIV, and thankful for God and all that he has blessed me with.

Being a sophomore, I had become quite adept at avoiding street vendors, whether with my cell phone or a brusque “I’ve got class.”  I was almost past the table about to put my hand up to tell the voice that I was late, but I couldn’t.  Something that day made me freeze, turn around and look up to see a man wearing frat glasses and Sperry’s.

I grew up in a Christian household.  We went to church most weekends and my parents waited for me to get baptized until I fully understood the commitment.  As I got older, we went to church less when the usual sports or work got in the way.  I left high school a believer, but a convenient one who turned his Christianity on and off.

I came to Northwestern not thinking about fraternities.  I had no idea what they were all about so for the first few months I pretty much ignored their rush posters.  January was the first week fraternities could give out bids.  That first night, I meandered up to the fraternity quad for one reason, the free food.

The first and only house I visited was Delta Chi.  I did enjoy a delicious meal but beyond my growing pile of wings, I found something else.  A bond between brothers that I couldn’t explain.  They weren’t just friends, something else held them together.  I left that night with a new view on fraternities, or at least Delta Chi.

The next night I was given a bid.  I accepted the greatest gift college has given me so far.  What I didn’t know at the time was it would also be one of the greatest challenges I would have to face.

After initiating 13 new members in my pledge class, our fraternity faced deactivations and leaving seniors.  We came into this year with only 28 active members.  With the realization that we would not be able to stay viable unless we found a great rush class, my fraternity faced a culture change.  It started with a realization that we were not very good at rush but it quickly morphed into a realization that our chapter was facing deeper problems.  Brothers were content with where they were as a chapter.  Simply put we got lazy.  Not just in rush, but in brotherhood and the betterment of our community.

It took a few months but our chapter did change, and with it came 27 new members, doubling the size of our fraternity.

This brings me back to the day I met Ryan Mercer in the fall.  I wasn’t actively pursuing a Christian group on campus but to this day, I believe Jesus told me to stop turn around and tell Ryan yes, that indeed I actually was looking for a Christian group.  That group turned out to be Greek InterVarsity.

Religion was sort of a taboo subject in my chapter.  It wasn’t persecuted but it was just something that was not talked about.  I bought into this culture my freshman year.  I would quietly pray but I doubt any of my brothers actually knew I was a Christian. I think God stopped me that day because he wanted me to stop making my faith convenient and quiet.  I was put in a transitioning fraternity so I could make a difference.  Greek InterVarsity has helped me get over my fear of talking about my faith.  Through it, I’ve found other quiet brothers who want to talk about Jesus.

This has culminated into Sunday nights at 6 p.m. when Northwestern’s Delta Chi holds it’s Bible study.  Ten brothers meet together and have real discussions about faith.  I joined a changing fraternity and I think God wanted me to join Greek InterVarsity to change it even more.

I registered for the Thrive concentration, again not knowing what to expect, but God knew what was in store and had me in that concentration for a reason. The first night we started by talking about masks that we were wear. My mind instantly went to where I was two years ago during my freshman year; I thought I had removed all the masks I was wearing and hiding behind. Throughout the weekend I realized that I still wore many masks, such as hiding being my “religion,” being a people pleaser, and always saying “I’m fine” when I wasn’t. When we were asked to name some of the lies that we were believing, for me those included: not being capable of following or doing God’s call, how I can’t have “fun,” can’t be forgiven, how it’s always my fault, and that people just won’t understand.

On the last day we had the opportunity to lay down our masks at the foot of the cross and pick up a message that told us who Jesus said we were. My passage ended up being from Luke 15: “I am waiting for you. Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.” That was the same night that the main session message was about Luke 15. God showed me why I received the verse from Luke 15. He revealed that I have been working hard and doing things out of obligation because I was trying to please Him and earn His acceptance. I had to wrestle with the fact that I was living in close proximity to God but very far in heart and had become cold hearted since He was not giving me what I wanted. I sensed God was calling me out of the major I was in for three years and instead calling me to go into ministry. I was having a hard time with this change in plans because I had done everything to please God, but after working hard for three years, he was taking it away.

@beaucrosetto lastnight I came back home to Jesus in heart. No longer living as the older son but am now the servants in Luke 15!! #GCXII

February 19, 2012 2:22 pm via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@hjterrell

hjterrell

Saturday night at Greek Conference, God called me to come back home to Him. When we were asked to stand up to accept His invitation I hesitated since my staff was sitting right next to me. However, my heart was beating so fast that I knew God was calling me to take a stand for Him, to say yes and come back home. That night I stood up and came back home to Christ. I am no longer just living in close proximity but am also living close in heart! It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but I did it because I knew if I wasn’t able to stand up at a place where everyone was so accepting, then how was I going to stand up on campus and tell my sisters who I truly was and share the great news of Christ to them?

Sunday when I returned to my campus, I took the risk and stood up in front of all my 120-130 sorority sisters and invited them to study scripture with me. I was not expecting anyone to say yes, and I would have been pleased if even one person said yes. However, five people said yes and everyone else was supportive of what I was doing. My one person that I expected turned into five!! I wouldn’t have been able to stand up and invite my sisters to study scripture with me if it weren’t for the experience I had at Greek Conference and heard the challenge that God gave to me to start up ministry within my sorority. So take a risk for God because He wants to reveal Himself to us in greater ways than we expect!

Just asked all of my sisters to consider studying scripture with me during chapter tonight!! Thank you GC! #GCXII

February 19, 2012 6:57 pm via txtReplyRetweetFavorite

@hjterrell

hjterrell

Next semester, I left to study abroad and began to feel very disconnected from InterVarsity, God and my friends.  After coming back on campus, returning to my previous life was very hard.  I found that I had become bitter with God.  I wasn’t even going to attend Greek Conference, but I decided at the last minute to give it one last shot.  I came to the conference with my heart cold, and distant. However, throughout the weekend God spoke to me, and used me in ways I never thought possible.  He reminded me of the passion and love I had felt over the summer, and coming back to campus I am more in love with InterVarsity and God than I ever thought possible.  I can’t wait to return to conference next year, and reflect back to see where we are as a chapter.

I suppose it started with Steve, my Greek InterVarsity staff worker and brother. He encouraged me to really consider this conference, knowing something was there for me. At the time, I didn’t know what it was, but I felt I had to give it a try.

When I registered for the conference, I was signed up for the LEAD concentration, but once at the conference I became anxious and started looking into the other sections. My anxiety was off the charts and eventually I find myself in the CONNECT concentration, standing at a group table. The table leader looked at me and said, “have a seat, you are welcomed here.” My nerves cleared – I found myself calm and willing to open my heart and mind to everything to be discussed.

Throughout the weekend, I got a chance to talk about many of the feelings that I have had since my falling out with Jesus. During one part of the weekend, we were asked to imagine Christ. The first time, we were told to picture Christ taking away what was occupying our stress. My image was a pair of hands, taking these stresses from me. He did this for me, selflessly, when I shut Him out for so long. The second time, He gave me an embrace. He welcomed me and I felt His love.

My weekend at Greek Conference helped begin repairing my relationship with God. With the help of those around me, other fraternity brothers and Greeks following Christ, I will continue working on my relationship with Him. I have a lot to work on and I will continue to connect.

This weekend has opened my heart to Christ after it has been closed so long. Thank you #GCXII. It is because of the speakers, participants, staff members, that I have felt His love again.

The hope is that through this unique atmosphere, some of the typical barriers that hind Greeks from encountering and experiencing God can be removed. This year was slightly different than last year because the speaker not only fielded questions, but also presented the message of Jesus  and asked if there was anyone who would like to receive Christ’s message and follow Him. Before I share the conclusion of this invitation, I have to back up a bit.

Matt  is a member of Phi Delta Theta and has been a leader within the Greek InterVarsity chapter for a little over a year.  Matt has a huge heart and desire to see his brothers in his house to experience God.  As you might  know, starting a House Ministry is not always easy and can even be somewhat risky.  When Matt started extending invitations for a house bible study to his brothers he was met with hesitation and skepticism. Outwardly,  it seemed there was no spiritual interest in his house. However, it is here that Matt’s story takes an unexpected turn.  In preparing for Pub Theology Matt was encouraged to invite some of his brothers to check out the event, with the thought being “who wouldn’t want to hear a great band and ask about some of life’s biggest questions”.  One brother responded to Matt’s invitation and decided to attended the event.

Now, back to the invitation.  After discussing some insightful questions and having some productive discussions, the speaker explained why the types of questions we’ve been talking about are so important.  They are important because the hope is that these questions will point us to the truth – that God does exist and that He came in the flesh in the person of Jesus.  After presenting the Good News that Jesus is offering, the speaker asked any who wanted to follow Jesus to indicate their intent by standing up.  Eight people stood.  Among them, was Matt’s Phi Delt brother.  Wow.

Stories like this are why I work for Greek InterVarsity and why this ministry is so important. One never knows who God is pursuing or who is merely waiting for someone to ask them to “come and see”.  Matt has been extremely encouraged through this experience and through having his brother tell him that he should start a Bible study in his chapter.  No place is outside God’s grace and nothing is irredeemable.  May this story encourage you as much as it did Matt.